share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #9

One word: Tilapia

I was at my lola's house the day my sissy and I got back from Las Vegas. She fried up some good fish called tilapia. It was delicious to the maximus! Anyway, a couple days later, I told MA that I wanted to get some from the Marina Supermarket. We went off with Reeni and Madre, as well. Reeni and Mads went to get their ingredients for lumpia. MA and I walked towards the fresh seafood section in search of the ever so yummy tilapia. It was crowded, as usual. Fish laying everywhere around us on loads of ice. It felt like I was at the Fish Market in Seattle or something. Busy as ever. So...we both were standing in line waiting for our turn. I'm staring into no where day dreaming and from the corner of my eye i see one of the butchers throw a huge tilapia towards my way. Immediately, I flinched and also SCREAMED. Couple seconds later, I just realized what I just had done. Strangers were staring at me giving me a weird look. I was super embarrassed and literally ran away laughing. It was so mortifying....I wanted out of the supermarket. MA and I were in tears from all the laughter. I hate when I'm caught off guard like that. Sad part is I still was not able to buy my tilapia. I even begged Madre to get it but she said the line was too long. Booo!!

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #8

I'm venting to JayJay at work about my depressing body test from my honest Wii Fit. Apparently, I have the body and balance of a 41 year old. Now what a way to kick me when I'm ALREADY down. We're chilling in the kitchen and getting my daily dose of caffeine. What blend is it today?", I ask myself. Aaaah, it's the "stoner" coffee - Santa Cruz Company's Heart of Darkness blend. Boo! I take it anyways. I turn around and see a box of donuts. Yummy. "Don't do it share-bare!", JayJay yells after we have just discussed our 10 lb. gain minutes prior. I take a peek....

share-bare: Awe, they don't have my donut anyways

JayJay: What's your donut?

share-bare: I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right. I think it's called a cruder

JayJay: WTF is a cruder?! I don't even think there's such a thing, share-bare

share-bare: There is!! I swear! Its called a frenchie cruder or something. LOL!

[We both are walking away laughing. Barb, who was also in the kitchen quietly preparing her breakfast laughs in the background] ...[Minutes later, Jason decides to ask RoRo upstairs if she has any "cruders"]

JayJay: C'mon. Let's go upstairs. RoRo said she has some cruders for us. share-bare: See! She even knows what it is. Let's go.

[We walk upstairs towards her office...]

JayJay: She said she would normally get three but she didn't want to be selfish so she got two.

share-bare: Umm cuz aren't we only allowed ONE donut per person? How is taking two going to make it any better? LOL

RoRo: Hey guys! What's up?

share-bare: Hi RoRo! Where's my cruder?

[She points to her plate containing 2 quiches]

RoRo: Here you go!

LOL!

share-bare: That's not a cruder! That's quiche!

JayJay: See RoRo is just as bad as you, share-bare. LOL!

RoRo: I thought cruder was just a fancy name for this...

JayJay: Uh no, that's quiche.

RoRo: Sh*t! I'm Mexican. You really think I would know how quiche looks like?!

share-bare: Why don't people know what I'm talking about?!

JayJay: Cuz maybe it's not called a cruder!

share-bare: It's a cruder! I swear!

LOL! [The three of us take a stroll towards the reception area to visit share bear #1]

share-bare: I bet you share-bear #1 would know!

share-bear #1 : Hi Guys. What's up?

We explain our recap our story of the cruder. She laughs. I then ask her if she would know. I tell her its a french word. Automatically, she says...

share-bear #1: Oh, you mean cruller.

share-bare: Damnit, I was close! See!!

LOL! Moral of the story: This mystery favorite doughnut of mine is called a "french cruller" NOT frenchie cruder and certainly NOT quiche!

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #7

After the whole moving and unpacking bull crap I had finally completed, I decided to look through some shoe boxes full of photos. I came across some pictures from 2003, I believe. It was our first girlfriend vacation. Destination - Oahu, Hawaii! Oh the memories... [Flashback starting...NOW] In preparation for our very first girls vacation, I looked up to Danny Tanner and initiated Share's own 'Clipboard of Fun'. Before we left for our trip, I kindly emailed them to the girls of the exact time and schedules for our activities during our stay in Hawaii. I'm not sure if people liked the idea. It didn't really matter to me. All that mattered was that I was in total control freak mode and I loved it! Anyway, one of our activities was to go snorkeling in the ocean. Nice, right? Yup. It was beautiful. We woke up early one morning and drove to the dock where are little yacht was at. We checked in and boarded this boat. All Aboard! Everyone was excited except for Rho and Irene. They both decided to stick this one out and just chill on the boat deck. I guess they were not so into the entire swimming with fish idea. They were good sports though and came along for the ride. We had a breakfast brunch with fruits and pastries. Afterward it was time to put on our gear and snorkel away. We were all hoping we'd be able to spot a sea turtle. Definite goal for that early afternoon. I put my goggles and flippers along with this wrap around waist thing. It must have been some type of flotation device. We all jumped into the ocean. OMG! OMFG! I started to get into a panic attack. ""I can't swim!! Joyce help me!" She couldn't hear me at first but noticed I was being dipped in and out of the water. The ocean tripped me out. Its was weird how the water moved me back and forth. I tried to tread but I just couldn't! She was like hang on! So she finally got to me and tried to calm me down. She was like why the hell are you in the water? I forgot! I forgot that I can't swim. I was hoping that those yellow waist wrap around thingees would keep my head above water. I mean wasn't that the whole point of it?! Anyway, she was nice enough to hold and guide me to the ladder. All the girls were like laughing. I was a fool. Anyway, Joyce was kind enough to get me a noodle to keep me afloat. I took it from her and then went on my merrily way. Around my wrist I had a disposable waterproof camera. I had it in case, I sighted a sea turtle. I then screamed out, "I think I found one!" I started dipping my head under water for seconds at a time to capture a photo of a sea turtle. My day was a huge success! After wannabe-swimming in the ocean, I wanted to go jumping on the trampoline. We all swam towards it which was held by a rope from the boat. We all had a blast! I'm glad I can say that I went snorkeling and also had a near drowning experience. Thanks Joyce for saving my life! p.s. Remember the picture of the sea turtle i took with my waterproof disposable camera? Once I got our pictures developed in the Mainland, I looked and discovered that yeah - it was not a sea turtle sighting. It was more like a black buoy keeping our boat in place during our snorkeling session. Can I say moded?! LMAO. I think I threw it away out of embarrassment. Sorry, I really would've shared it with you. LOL!

My big sis Irene and I

That's me attempting to wave . . . LOL!

Janice, Me, Joyce(my life saver) & Linds

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #6

This isn't really a ranDUMB moment. It's more like a random thought of the day. Or more like a random flashback. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. Once upon a time, I was on a spontanetity high. I decided to fly down to Vegas for literally a day to visit my friend aka my stripper pole dancing partner, Joh. You know, just for the hell of it. I had nothing to do. Besides, Joh told me her MALE friends from New Jersey were in town. Now, how the hell could I pass up on that!? 10 guys and just 2 girls (Joh and I). Sweet!! Anyway, I arrived at Las Vegas on a Friday night. Joh picked me up from the airport and from their we headed out to Tangerine at Treasure Island. I was soooooooo messed up that night. Like the drunkest I've been since the Janet Jackson concert back in 2003/2004? I forget. Anyway, I was so drunk and I recall telling Joh that it would be so cool if I was on the dancefloor with ALL her friends dancing in the middle. We both laughed. But tell me maybe about an hour it actually came true. There I was - standing in the middle of the dance floor drunk as f**k and all her friends surrounding me in a form of a circle! WOW!! It was a dream come true. I felt like a pimp! LOL! No seriously...they were like my bitches! Shortly after, I couldn't even stand up. I took a rest on the couch of our VIP area. All of a sudden, I passed out. Why does that always happen to me with alcohol?! Like, I was literally sleeping for a quick 15 minutes until security asked my friends to wake me up or else they'd all get kicked out. Tell me why did I wake up to a kiss from a girl, Michelle (Joh's bff that was working as the cocktail server). I was hella startled!! Like whoah! Don't worry, it wasn't like that. It was just a peck on the cheek. But, still I'm so Anti-PDA. Good times...I will always remember my circle of Jersey friends with me in the middle - Raptor, Cuban, Narco, Oscar, Turtle, and Chris.

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #5

QUICK - What's Obama's last name? If you still don't know then we're in the same boat. A couple weeks ago, Jason asked me this question while I was helping to build a home for Peninsula Habitat for Humanity. I paused for a while. With a hammer in my right hand, I looked up into the invisible air and was left pondering for more than a minute. Good question, I thought. I don't know! Crap! The first thing that came to mind was Bin Laden. Simply because Obama rhymed with Osama. I was all, I know Clinton is Hillary. Why couldn't he asked me that? Darnit all. If you realized this was a trick question, then I applaud you. You are in fact smarter than a 5th grader AND me, of course. Good Job! It took me a good half hour or so to realize that I was a fool. Obama IS is his last name. Barrack is his first name! To top that, JayJay put me on blast in front of all of my other co-workers. I've done it again. Just for that, I don't think I should even be allowed to vote during this Presidential Election. Besides, I was so gunning for Clinton. I'm over the Obama craze. I'm sick of seeing him on T.V. I swear, I'm about to convert to a Republican.

"My name is share-bare and I approve this message."

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #4

This happened a while ago, but I just thought it was funny. Whatever you do, NEVER, I repeat NEVER try doing lunges while gripping onto side bar handles inside an elevator. I'm assuming it happened to me the day after I had a good workout at the gym. I was probably really sore in the legs, quads or something. One day, I was by myself in an elevator cab at work. I decided to stretch out my sore muscles since I had about a minute to spare before the elevator arrived at my floor. Standing with my back facing the side bar, I gripped the side bars with my two hands. As I was holding on, I leaned forward to a perfect lunge position. Suddenly, the left end of the side bar came lose out from the wood panel. OOPS! I quickly tried to reposition it back into its place in case it stopped between floors. I was in a panic. A screw probably fell onto the floor. Pick it up, Share I said! Too late. The elevator finally arrived at the 10th floor. I had to get out quick! I left the side bar dangling and ran out quickstyle. As I was walking to my desk, I sighed with relief. YES! No one saw me. No one will know I broke the side bar. But then lightbulb! CRAP! I forgot that there was a survalence camera installed in each elevator cab. LMAO!! Grrrrrrrrreat! Til this day, I pray to god that the security guard on duty did not see my video footage. I hope he was on break or something and missed all the action. Either that or he doesn't want to call me out on it and embarrass the crap out of me.

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #3

My sister decides to bring me to Island Pacific (a Philippine grocery store) in Union City for the first time. We were buying meat to barbecue for our 4th of July picnic. We're at the register paying for our stuff. I was looking at the register monitor as the cashier was scanning our items. The cashier then scans our 2-liter bottle of 7-Up. I'm still looking at the monitor...

share-bare (yells): OMG! IT'S ONLY 10 CENTS!

Renee: What are you talking about? (cashiers gives me a blank stare)

share-bare: Dude, it's 10 cents! 7-up is only 10 cents!!

Renee: Huh?

[before I tell Irene to go run to the soft drinks aisle to grab some more 2-liter bottles...Irene and I both take a glimpse at the monitor again...]

Renee: Share, that's the f**ckin CRV, you idiot.

share-bare: LMAO!! ....Oops

[I look at the cashier]

share-bare: Oh never mind. Keep scanning, I'm trippin'. I'm sorry.

Renee: Don't mind my stupid sister. LOL

The cashier: LOL

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #2

rolsuno: grow up 
share-bare: i dont grow up...i throw up 
share-bare: oh wait... 
share-bare: lol what's that saying 
share-bare: LMAO ooooooooooooooh sh!t 
share-bare: i dont shut up, i grow up, when i look at u i throw up. 
rolsuno: u sound really wack right now 
rolsuno: u know that 
share-bare: why didnt u correct me? 
rolsuno: cuz i didnt want to 
rolsuno: i want u to feel stupid

share-bare's ranDUMB Moment #1

I go to Ohana Hawaiian BBQ and order a BBQ Chicken & Beef combo plate. I'm standing next to the condiments counter as I was waiting for my food to be ready. I see ketchup packets, soy sauce, etc. For the first time I see "tartar" sauce. I say to myself, "Wow, this place is super fancy!!" But then it dawns on me. Silly Share, it's tartar sauce NOT tar- tar sauce. LOL! Get it??