"Bless You"...

...is all that I ask of you after I sneeze. Did you know your heart stops when you sneeze? I'm beginning to think my neighboring colleagues dislike me because they don't say, "Bless you". It's pretty ironic because, just the other week when Cute Auditor Dude was here, my neighbor said, "Bless you" to him. She even admitted to me that's it just the polite thing to do. Well if that's the case, neighbor (aka Nei-nei), why does that NOT apply to my sneezes? You say it to Grrr all the time. I know because I can hear you. And well...I'm sure you are well aware of what a sneeze from share-bare sounds like. For the record, I sneeze pretty darn loud. Plus, I sit closer to you than Cute Auditor Dude. We share cubicle partitions for goodness sake. Hmmm...do I smell a little bit of hateration in the work place? [sigh] I'm experiencing the utmost sadness right now. =( ........OK - I'm done. Optimism time! Without further ado, I would like to take the opportunity to thank well-mannered Jason for screaming over a "Bless you" to me while literally being 3 cubicles away from me. Thanks for having my back, buddy! As for you, Nei-nei, I will continue to give you the benefit of a doubt until my toleration expires. I will monitor the frequency of my sneeze throughout the work week. Maybe just maybe I'm not that loud enough for you. No need to hesitate, Nei-nei. I will hike up my volume to the maximum. Maybe, just maybe you will notice me and say, "Bless you".

Oh Divine Caroline...

Lately, I've been terribly addicted to coffee. I consider it an addiction when I require two cups a day. I don't get coffee for the caffeine fix. Mainly because coffee does nothing for me. It doesn't affect me in that way. I just love the flavor. It's the next best thing to my favorite food: CHOCOLATE! I hate this addiction. For one, it will make my teeth look horrific. I would kill for bright Clorox white teeth! Well I wouldn't go as far as Ross did from Friends. You never know when you'll be caught in a dark club or room containing a black light. That would be absolute mortification right there! Anyway, with coffee being the subject, I might as well bring up my tiredness with you. I wish I can be more alert in the morning. Mornings drag for me. Hitting the snooze button isn't good enough for me. I guess my whole weight gain has been literally dragging me down. Lugging this extra weight (NO, I'm not pregnant....I'm just FAT!) weakens me. My back and neck hurts! I have no energy. What to do, what to do. I come across this Divine Caroline article. I thought it help me out in some sort of way. I thought it would give me an idea on how to tackle my morning waking up routine. How about NOT. Reading this article immediately reminded me of that skinny petite, high waisted flood sweat pants and tie dye shirt wearing, hippie, stoner yoga instructor I had years ago. I can just imagine him now talking to me ever so slowly with his super, girl I'm freakin high right now, I just smoked a joint relaxed voice.... (For the record - he really did wonders....I was so relax and stress free after one of his classes. Not sure that was a good thing though. Because one particular day, he stole my quick reflexes which in turn made me lose control of my car. What an embarrassing morning on Highway 92) So back to Divine Caroline. Check out her article, Do you really think you can do this every single morning? Let's be realistic here. No, right? If it does no good for me, hopefully it'll do good for someone else. (See, I still attempt to have the Secret mentality of positive reinforcement) Wake Up Naturally to a More Energized Day Hmmm...come to think of it. Maybe exercise AND yoga will help! Genius idea!

I'm Getting Out of the Kitchen

If you can't stand the heat...then get out of the kitchen. That's exactly what I did. I thought I was the queen of sarcasm and practical jokes when it came to some Jersey boys. One in particular...yeah right!!

It all started out with the rivalry game between the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants (yeah, yeah, I know....get over it....just shush for a second!). I was thrilled that my team won. So, what do you think I did to celebrate? Yup. I rubbed it back in peoples' faces especially to two dudes I know from New Jersey that are really really HUGE fans. Anyway, one of them, refers himself as BooBear. I myself, refuse to call him that, but to protect his identity, we'll refer him to that for now. Long story short...at the end of all the trash talk via IM, I felt bad. He seemed really sad and hurt for his team. So, as a peace offering and my way of saying sorry I came up with an idea. I purchased him a gift - a cookie basket specially made for a Giants fan. I thought it was a perfect! My original intention was to still be embarass him not cupcake him w/my undying love and affection. Please! It's me we're talking about. I wanted it to be big and flashy in hoping he'd get teased by his co-workers. I even put a condolence note for his loss - get it?

Ain't it cute? So a few days after I ordered it online, it was delivered via FedEx. (By the way, can I tell you how much I love FedEx? Their tracking system is awesome!) I was hoping for a reaction....nada. UGH!! I didn't get one until like two days later. By that time, I was totally over it. Brightside of it - he liked it and thought it was very nice and sweet of me. I even got brownie points for it! I have no idea where these points would be redeemable at but I guess it's his thought of giving me 'brownie points' was all that mattered. How about giving me a box full of brownies, instead, BooBear? Fairy Tale Brownies are the bomb diggity!! HINT HINT! So here's comes the bad part. Anyway, this couple weeks of whole messing around finally drew the line with me. Like I started to realize his sensor of humor was too much for me. I began to question if he was actually being serious when he would put me down. His sarcasm was unbelievable! It was over. I was sick and tired with dealing with his mood swings. He'll be nice one minute and the next minute, he'll be hurtfully mean to me. One day, we'll chat and then the next, he'd never even reply to a simple question. WTF, right? Not once did he ever apologize for his obnoxious behavior. Even when I was in a realtalk or nice mood, he'd just fire back with his harshness. It's like WOW! Someone is really bitter right now. But, no...apparently, he's like that all the time. I'm sorry, I guess you are just way too good to be my friend. He was totally pushing my buttons and yesterday....I gave up. So as my punishment for him, I decided to post a warning to all chicks picture! DO NOT trust this dude with your life. His smile is deceiving. He is up to no good! Boo Bear - you are officially my first to be put on share-bare's Blah-g of Shame! [I'm sticking out my tongue to you!] =P Take that!

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[Couple hours later of this post, I removed his picture.

That's too mean and I'm not - I'm NICE DAMNIT!]

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I refuse to be used as a door mat and stepped on. I don't like mean people and that's final.

Umm, Who Does That?!

Today is my last day with match.com. Yesterday, I got an email. Weird. This one shocked me a little bit. After reading the first sentence, I was convinced that someone hacked into my account and started winking at random FEMALES as a prank. Umm, not the case: 27 yr old FEMALE from San Jose says:

Hi there! First of all, let me make it very clear.. i'm interested in MEN, not WOMEN. lol I just moved to CA about 6 months ago from Oklahoma (yes, the land with NO asian people once or ever..lol) Most of my cool girlfriends are back home in Oklahoma so i'm hoping to make some new friends here. : ) Abit about me, my name is Claire. I was born and raised in Taipei, Taiwan and i moved to the States when I was 12. I currently live in Fremont and work in San Leandro. I like to read, hang out at local coffee shops, and catch good movies. : ) if u're interested to have another girlfreind to hang out with, my gchat is claireXXXXX@talkmatch.com. take care and i hope to hear from u soon! : )

Who does that?! First off, wrong website chick! If you are looking for friends please don't subscribe to match.com. For your information, match.com is a "dating" website. I repeat - DATING! Second, I have enough friends. Thanks for the email, though. That was sweet....(I think?) Can I just say... IT'S NOT OKAY TO LOOK!

Fox Sports Sucks Ass!

Instead of coming into work during this wet afternoon, I decided to stay in and root for my team today as they battle it out for a spot in the Playoffs with the Washington Redskins. I could of sworn FOX was Channel 2 but I guess I was wrong. It pisses me off they they decided to waste t.v. coverage on the Point After (post Niner game) AND stupid American Idol Rewind. Now what mean person would really do this to poor little old me? Cruel!!!!! Someone please tell me what channel it's on with Comcast in Foster City! Someone please tell me why I don't have access to it. And also, someone stop freakin' pissing me off by rooting for the Washington Redskins, while it's well aware you ain't even a freakin' fan! You are just being a true freakin' hater. A finger goes out to you....YEAH YOU! I'm stuck looking at a freakin' monitor refreshing the foxsports.com website every single minute. Can I say boring? This sucks ass. I'm outta here. Go FREAKIN' Eagles!! Can you tell I'm in a pissy mood?? No sh!t Sherlock!

Post-It Notes

Note to self: Stop using post-it notes at work! This is the hundredth time, I've lost a post-it note with either Accounting task instructions from my Field Offices or a To-Do checklist for my month-end close. I hate when this happens. To make matters worse, my cubicle is a pig sty! White papers everywhere. share-bare, (yes, I speak in 3rd person all the time...), Only use post-it notes for personal use such as, jotting down a song to upload via iTunes, or for writing my grocery/Target list, or to write someone's phone number or a website to look at when i get home or to list reminders that eventually I know I will forget. It might actually be a good idea to utilize my Blackberry's Memo application more often. Can I say lazy and old-fashioned? 3x5 Yellow Post-It Note - Where are you!? :/

Fleas

Right now, I can so relate to the poor dogs and cats out there. This week, I've been bitten my multiple fleas. Let me just give you a little background behind this horrific issue I'm currently dealing with. About a month ago - Myself, EJ, Irene, Janelle and Caitlin moved into a nice 3 bedroom apartment located at this huge apartment community in Foster City. A week later, Irene and EJ get this bites that looked more like mosquito bites. Luckily, I didn't get bit! A couple weeks gone by and EJ would still get random bites. Caitlin, too. I guess I jinxed myself because last Friday, I got a huge bug bite on my lower abdomen. A day later, I get one on my left elbow. Now, there's no way we all could have gotten bitten by mosquitoes. I was getting really suspicious after Monday. Tuesday, I get a couple more on my arms and another one on my stomach. What's going on?! Yesterday, was worse. I get into work and a couple hours into the day my co-worker says, "What's up with your face?!" O-M-G! This has got to stop! Seriously! I had red blotches that looked like it was an allergic reaction. At first I thought I was getting the hives again but as I looked closely into a mirror, they were bites! Gross, right?! I immediately put a call to our Property Manager. Nobody answered so I left a long message. Later that night, I was itchier than hell! It's time to take action! Now, it's Thursday, I called the Property Manager again demanding that they schedule an exterminator to come out to my apartment and bomb the place. I decided to stay home from work. For one, I look like I have a serious case of the chicken pox. I can literally count 10 bites on my face alone! Second, I want these fleas out ASAP! I was researching more online for the symptoms of fleas. I needed to confirm for myself. Yup - it's fleas alright. I read further and it said that in order for female fleas to lay their eggs they must feed on blood. WTF! So, let's count the number of bites I have...HELLA! I was so heated. To make matters worse, flea eggs hatch between 2 days - 2 weeks! This means that there are HELLA motherf**kin' eggs in this household. Damn fleas have been feeding off me! Now, I'm simply waiting for the exterminator to come or at least a phone call from the Property Manager with the status of my damn work order. I'm in total disgust right now. I hate fleas. I want them out of my life! Orkin Man - Where are You!?

Retirement Fund

A couple weeks ago during the worst market crash, I wanted to see how bad it affected me and my savings. Not sure if it was a good thing or bad thing. But, I had trouble logging into my account. Normally, I don't look online. I just wait for my quarterly earnings statement to arrive in the mail. I always remember the balance in my head for some reason. I was pretty happy with my 2nd Quarter balance. It didn't look that bad to me. Today, I tried once again. I figure that if didn't it fall negative from 2nd Quarter, I'd be in good standing. I know I shouldn't have looked into my 401K. It would only depress me. And that it surely did. My jaw literally dropped and was like F**K! I'm shocked of the significant drop. What a huge difference! I feel like someone robbed me! With the money that I lost I would've spent that and had my dream vacation to Australia!! It would've been a down payment for a brand new SUV! Oh D-D-D-DEAR! A little while after our HR Manager was in our department. I wish she had came sooner to stop me from looking. We asked jokingly if there was anyway for her to adjust our balances in our retirement. She just laughed. She was all, don't be an idiot like me and look. I made that mistake yesterday. I cried out, "It's too late!". She kept emphasizing to think long term. Damnit...How can I now if I was just robbed from at least one year's worth of money I contributed into my retirement plan. My advice to others. Don't be a stupid person like myself and check your balance. You're an f**ktard if you do.

Sickness is a Biatch

I was feeling normal until I got out of the shower this morning. I had this urge to sneeze but nothing came out. The deep innerpart of my nose was getting tingly. I was dressing up for work and then Oh crap! My nose started to run. I ran to blow my nose and just as I thought clear mucus on the tissue. I then started to sneeze constantly. What's going on? But - I should be so fresh and so clean? [Sidenote: I'm allergic to dust]. On and off, I was interrupted with a running nose so I had to go the bathroom frequently to just blow it all out. My nose was still tickly. I think at that time I already knew - I'm getting a cold. Can I say I hate colds. I'd rather be at home with a stomach flu than have the common cold. It makes your nose all raw. You have to buy the tissue with aloe vera lotion. I hate the phase when your nose runs constantly for 2 days. Then after that you have loogie throat and snots. Then after that, the skin outside of you nose is all dry and cracky (lotion will never cure it!). Anyway - I didn't have any tissue in the truck when I left to drop off EJ to school and go to work. Luckily, there was a roll of paper towel in the back. I used that until I got to Walgreens. After Walgreens, I decided to fill myself up with Vitamin C. I went to Jamba to buy a 16 ounce of freshly squeezed orange juice. When I got to work, I immediately downed that sh!t (with a straw). Yuck! I usually LOVE orange juice but my tummy was empty. I didn't eat breakfast yet. I feel so acidic. I wish I was able to call in sick today. Unfortunately, I can't. 1.) My boss is out on vacation. 2.) I have a quarter-end close that starts today 3.) I have an A/P check run 4.) Have to be here for last minute disposition questions for a property that's going to close escrow tomorrow 5.) Basically, I have hella sh!t to do. Man. If I was at home, I'd plug up my nose with tissue just like a tampon and change it every 30 minutes or so. All I can do is pray that this cold go aways with a quickness. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the sexy flem voice just like Phoebe Buffet of Friends. Time to change my greeting message on my voicemail soon - YES!

"Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault... They won't take you to the vet. You're obviously not their favorite pet. You may not be a bed of roses, And you're no friend to those with noses. Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!"

p.s. Thanks Irene for getting me sick. You're the best sister in the world! [hella sarcasm right now]